Do you have that time when you said to yourself “Just go do IT already?”
You probably said it to yourself because at some point someone said to you, “Just go do IT already.” Or they said “If you want to do IT, do IT! Stop talking about it” (Anybody else hear their mother’s voice when they read those sentences?)
Well, it’s easy for the other person to tell you what you should do. When someone says “Stop talking about IT. Just go do IT already!” it’s because it will make them feel better and solve whatever discomfort or responsibility they feel to help fix your situation.
But, here’s the thing: If you could just go do it, you would have already.
So, if you aren’t doing IT there are real things in your way.
If you aren’t doing whatever IT is for you, it’s not because there is something wrong with you.
Most likely at least one of these obstacles is in your way.
So, stop beating yourself up for not doing IT already!
What can you do?
Does this intellectually make sense, but not something you see yourself implementing?
I get that. It isn’t an easy mind shift to make. I’d love to give you the support you need to make the change.
Contact me to set up a time to talk, and together we can create a conversation that functions as a safe container where you to can have the insights and find the clarity you need to move through these obstacles and finally do IT!
We are taught to see our value and self-worth through the eyes of others. As we receive messages praising, approving or criticizing, we form a sense of who we are from the response of those around us.
Consequentially, we come to rely on people outside ourselves for messages that we are worthy, that we belong, that we deserve caring. We develop a pattern of looking for affirmation, praise, compliments from outside ourselves.
When we don’t receive what we seek, we feel sad, anxious, and alone.
When we seek worth and value from outside ourselves, we set ourselves up to never fully have what we want. It’s never enough.
When we do receive the praise, affirmation, compliments and positive energy that others bring to us we are still anxious because we don’t know when it might disappear.
When it disappears, we don’t know how to create it for ourselves from within ourselves.
And so we stay anxious.
Yet, we have a choice. We can learn to cultivate a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on anyone and personal power that no one can take away.
When we have an internal sense of our own values and know that we are living in our integrity, then we are free.
We are free from the anxiety of a hurt ego. Others can still hurt us, but they can’t shame us or diminish our self-worth.
What’s your choice?
Will you stay anxious or will you cultivate a sense of self-worth and a personal power that come from within you?
Contact me for a complimentary coaching session to strategize an individual plan for you to build your personal power and let go of anxiety.
Nobody can take away your power without your permission.
They can demote you, judge you, shame you, shun you, fire you, or call you names, but you always, ALWAYS have a choice as to how you react and feel.
When you feel disempowered it’s because someone has done something to put you down. You feel ashamed, embarrassed, or demeaned. While you are entitled to feel the pain of the person’s aggressive move towards you, and you are justified in your reaction, you can only be diminished in your power if you allow it.
How do you overcome a huge dose of negative energy that has been dumped on you? How do you retain your dignity, your self worth and your composure in the face of bullying intentional or not, family, friends or work?
Viktor Frankl says, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
There is always a choice to use that space Frankl mentions to access your power within instead of reacting to the energy coming from outside sources. You can believe and know that you are worthy, that you are valuable even when someone does whatever she can to make you feel otherwise.
I found my way of handling this when in the midst of crisis a mentor said to me, “You can only influence what is inside your circle of control.” Instead of behaving defensively to what felt like an unjust betrayal and attack, instead of arguing and fighting to change the circumstances, I took responsibility for how I showed up, how I spoke to people and how I made them feel.
Despite the feeling of being kicked in the stomach, I cultivated a sense of love and forgiveness in my heart so that everything I said could come from within my values. The anxiety still lived in me for months, but slowly things started to change, and as I relaxed in the way that I presented myself and responded to things, the people around me relaxed also.
Instead of their anxiety-driven behavior resonating and generating the same behavior from me, I led them towards a more relaxed, positive and open energy.
That is when I learned that no one can really take away your power if you do not give it to them. You ALWAYS have the power to receive their negativity and repurpose their energy into what you want to send into the world.
If you are struggling to take back your power and live in the area, PLEASE reach out and have a conversation with me. I so much want you to see what you truly have within you and what you can do. If you are in Southern California, PLEASE consider coming to one of my workshops where we focus on this directly.
Mindfulness is a big buzzword right now and can mean a lot of different things. I realize that I have been thinking of it in a few different ways and want to clarify why I share it as an important tool.
Mindfulness is a tool that can help develop self-awareness. To the extent that I share it with you here and with clients, it is a way of getting out of the conversation in the head and connecting with your whole self to be more aware of your full experience of a given moment.
When you have a space between the experience of self and the thoughts in your mind, you discover that you have choices, that the way you talk to yourself is not Truth and is not set in stone. You can hear what you think and make a choice about how you want to respond to it.
When we get lost in our thoughts, we forget that we are not only the thinker and the talker, but also the listener. When we connect with ourselves as the listener, we connect to a deeper inner wisdom.
Feel the palms of your feet against the floor and shift your awareness to the space where the surface of the foot meets the surface of your shoe or floor.
Feel your weight on your legs and feet or on your chair. Feel and notice how solid you are.
Notice the vertical energy that flows from your feet to your head and the horizontal expansive energy that crosses your chest and around your back from shoulder to shoulder.
Imagine that you are a mountain with the top of you head drifting into the clouds and the shoulders to feet being solidly grounded in the earth.
Your thoughts are the clouds.
Imagine the clouds floating in front of your eyes.
When a thought appears as a word, an image or anything else project it on to a cloud and let it float away.
Create that space between yourself the viewer and listener of the thought and the thought itself.
Ask yourself the following question and listen for the answer that comes: “What will I think of next?”
Did you feel the space between asking yourself the question and listening for the answer?
Watch the thoughts float by- they will move on in their own timing.
It can take time to find the experience of listening and becoming aware of yourself as the thinker. I will do this exercise again.
In the meantime, see if once in a while, you can ask yourself that question, “What will I think next?” and wait for the answer to appear.
Notice the gap.
Creating that space and that gap in your mind can be the difference between reacting without thinking and consciously choosing how you want to show up. This is a crucial skill for a leader whether it is leading in your own life or leading at work.
What’s your big goal, the big thing that you’d really like to do?
That goal that while you read this knocks at the door and say “Remember me? Remember me?”
Yeah, that one.
Are you on your way to it?
Will it be your greatest achievement or your biggest regret?
People don’t regret the things they did in life, they regret the things that they didn’t do.
Which will this be for you?
So what’s in your way?
“I don’t have time.”
“I can’t afford it.”
“My family would kill me.”
“I’d suck at it anyway.”
“I’d look foolish.”
“I’m not like So and So.”
You might even have some bigger and more creative excuses!
Listen, your dream is your human spirit reaching for it’s potential.
Will you go for it?
Maybe you won’t reach the specific outcome that you imagine, but there may be other possible outcomes you won’t ever discover if you don’t go for it.
All the excuses are usually manifestations of some kind of fear. Which is yours?
Fear of failure?
Fear of success?
Fear of imperfection?
Fear of exposure?
Fear of embarrassment?
Fear of change?
When I was 16 the sentence, “I want to be a dancer, but I can’t” was one breath, one single thought that it was something I wasn’t allowed to do it. How would I make a living?
It turned out that I could find venues for training and growing and also work part-time.
It turned out that we moved to Southern California where there are theaters everywhere, a lot of talent, and opportunities to explore, express and grow.
It turned out when I did follow my intuition and spirit, that I loved acting. I could bring the same expression of body and mind through a character’s language as well as I could through the character’s movements.
When I knocked down one wall of belief after another, I emerged as myself.
I would never have earned that support if I hadn’t taken some steps of faith on my own if I hadn’t just kept on going with determination. I had to face the fears myself. Once I did, I found there was more support for me than I had imagined among my family and friends.
So you have a choice.
1) You can not do anything and give your power over to the fear. You can build regrets. Have the question of “what if” or the “I could have, but I didn’t.”
2) You can conquer the fear. Face the demons and bash one at a time. Stare fear down and move forward despite it. Leave it behind in your wake.
3) Or, you can learn to live with the fear. Make the fear your friend and your partner. Travel together as you explore your possibilities.
Which choice are you going to make?
Contact me for an Exploratory Conversation (free) if you’d like to think this through out loud.
A certified Positive Psychology coach, Leah works with people who want to upgrade their communication, presence and leadership in order to show up authentic and empowered to maximize their influence and impact.You can get in touch with her at this link or at firstname.lastname@example.org