Stepping Stool Coaching – Step Up Your Conversations To Reach New Heights
I have a theory that the 5th commandment: “Honor your Father and Your Mother…” is a crucial step towards personal freedom.
Because it’s hard.
BUT, when you can see your parents in their own stories with their own sufferings and as imperfect human beings, you open new possibilities for yourself.
I realize this is not your typical approach, but think about it –
The Torah (The 5 books of Moses that begin the Hebrew Bible) commands us to “Love your neighbor as yourself”(Leviticus 19:18) and to “Love God with all your heart, all your soul and all your might” (Deuteronomy 6:5)
But, we are never commanded to LOVE our parents.
Only to honor them, to respect them.
Woah.
Why are we told to love God and others, but not our parents?
I think it’s because the Torah recognizes that love with parents is different from loving anyone else (besides your own children.) Love is something we give wholeheartedly. But, with parents there is a push and pull with how well they have met our needs.
Maybe your parent criticized you a lot, didn’t show pride, was never around, expected a lot, or just wasn’t always fun to be around.
Even when you love your parents, they very often are the main source of conflict in your life! (Often those conflicts are disguised as your inner critic or judge.)
So think about the significance of being told to respect your parents.
The very people who may have failed to protect you in some way, who may have hurt you deeply, who may have disappointed you, or who may drive you crazy, who set expectations you never feel that you can meet – or whatever else, are the very people that you are “commanded” to respect.
Commanded! Not just encouraged or reminded. Commanded!! I really rebelled against that for a long time especially as a child. (Anyone else or was that just me?)
But, as an adult, I have come to realize that this commandment is not written for children. It is written for grown-ups. It is to remind us to see our parents as humans. To remind us that we are human.
I suggest that this well known “commandment” is a call to action to recognize the humanity of your parents and respect them as the fallible humans that they are.
When you can see your parents as the human beings with their own life experiences and story, something huge shifts.
They no longer have a hold on you to keep you from what you want. You no longer define yourself by the limits they intentionally or inadvertently set for you through their own set of actions.
When you recognize your parents as other human beings, as the heroes in their own journeys instead of the players in yours, you find freedom.
Try this:
Imagine watching your parent on a muted TV screen through a window. Watch how they behave, what they do. What do you see and notice?
Notice their body, their energy, their gestures.
What’s happening for them?
Take yourself out of the dynamic, see them more from a distance.
See your parents as the human beings that they are/were in their own life experience and story.
Explore how you can respect their humanity even if you can’t respect their behaviors.
If you can stop judging you parents, you take a huge step towards letting go of your own self-judgment.
You can move towards respecting everyone’s imperfections, especially your own.
How might that change things for you?
Leah Zimmerman is an Intergenerational Resolving Conflict Expert and Family Business Advisor who makes hard conversations easy. She blends her background in education, theater, personal development and spirituality to create transformational conversations for individuals, teams and families. Find Leah on Linkedin at to learn more.
© 2023 by Stepping Stool Coaching by Leah Zimmerman. Proudly created with DOT IT SERVICES
Leah helped me to identify root cause, understand my needs, and explore the opportunities for growth. She has an encouraging word to share, an open mind, and a listening ear which allowed me to feel supported while being coached!
Leah helped me clarify my sense of purpose and how I can best manifest my strengths. She asked insightful questions that helped me see where my thinking was limiting my horizons. She gave me specific strategies to help me flourish in my current position while nurturing my exploration of a new opportunity and giving me the extra support I really needed.
Leah was able to understand me on a deeper level than even my therapist! And she helped me to think of my issues in a very positive light. I felt that her feedback and ability to articulate my deeper feelings and fears helped me to strategize how to better respond to situations and create opportunities to more authentically live my life.
Leah was most valuable by helping me to see the positive side of my current situation so that I feel more excited and up to the challenge of figuring out my next steps. She helped me to see how I allow certain specific fears to hold me back, and helped me better understand and set new goals for my personal growth. I ended the session with some concrete tasks that I believe will help me to figure out my next steps.
Leah was excellent in assesing my current state of emotions. As I was feeling a bit anxious about my current tasks at hand i.e. work, kids, household duties, she really heped me to meditate and focus on my ultimate goal which was to be fully present with my family despite what else is going on. It brought me such a wonderful sense of peace that I was able to carry that throughout the day. I am still mindful of my importance of being present and it is something I am constantly working on.
Leah’s unique ability to calmly and lovingly help me to focus on my struggles in a positive way was empowering. She helped me to realize that, just as light dispels darkness, positive affirmations are more galvanizing than my damaging, negative thoughts. Her direction toward a more constructive, optimistic approach is a huge step in the right direction for me!
Leah is a great coach! Her gentle and positive approach has helped me gain insights to become better at handling day to day challenges. She encourages me to be the best I can be!
The session was really easy & conversational, but Leah focused on real core issues & goals though the conversation was wide-ranging. All the insights were truly my own. It was a very rewarding experience!
Leah is an excellent listener who quickly draws insights from a lot of information and helped me to do the same. She was very good at getting me to recognize and value my accomplishments while also encouraging development and implementation of plans to continue to move forward.
Leah’s way of coaching is like that of the best directors. They don’t tell a performer or show them how to play a scene or deliver a line, they ask questions, suggest alternative perspectives, and direct the performer to discover the best performance s/he can deliver. If you want someone who can direct you toward becoming your best version of you, then you couldn’t ask for a better coach.
WOW! The last 6-months have been a game changer! I began coaching with Leah in February 2020, with some very simple goals: organization, time management, etc. But what I got instead was a life-changing perspective on how to run my business on my terms. Before coaching with Leah I was feeling stuck in running my business (I’m a full time Voice Actor, Coach, and Producer). I felt like I was running an uphill battle – I felt tired most days, and honestly I was facing major burnout. But when I started with Leah all of that changed – yes we covered the basic – how to simplify my life in order to make space for the things that matter, but we also dug so much deeper. Through guided meditations, prompts, and asking all the right questions, Leah was able to push past the BS and find the heart of what was holding me back. We’ve worked intensely on releasing blocks, clearing away negative money mindsets, and finding my own empowerment so that I can lead my business as that – a leader. Working with Leah has pushed me leaps and bounds closer to achieving everything I want in life. She accelerates your path by helping you clear the path. I am so grateful to her. She is kind, compassionate, offers fresh perspectives, and isn’t afraid to probe you to find the real reason you may be self-sabotaging. I can’t recommend her enough. This has been absolutely life changing.
Leah provided my team and I with a big boost. In a small family business in generational transition, there’s lots of communication challenges to work through. Leah helped us make sure communication lines between generational leaders and staff stay effective, clear and kind. Leah’s skill for identifying and discussing the real issues in a way that makes sure everyone is heard and respected helps us determine the best next steps and commit as a team. I also felt and saw Leah’s coaching impact other areas of my life positively, from parenting to marriage, some of her techniques even helped my golf game somehow. The return on investment for our company and team was extraordinary and I’m grateful for her help. Leah also made sure to check in often after our engagement to see how things are going and be helpful. While I hope our communication remains at a high level, she’s a first and easy call when we’re navigating something tough.
Wow, we’ve done a lot together! From working with you, I have found how to follow my own authentic voice instead of my highly rational mind. I’ve become aware and focused on what’s truly important to me. When we started, I was struggling with how to feel more optimistic about my life. I was overwhelmed with new transitions coming at me: separating from my husband, starting my own business unexpectedly, my new role as a single mom and significant changes in my friendships. You provided a space where I could be authentic, vulnerable and completely understood in non-judgmental way. You got it. Your particular ability to say back to me in a new and sort of optimistic way what I am thinking helped me to see my life in a much more positive new way. You could see the essence of what’s going on which enabled me to get to the heart of the matter. You fed it back to me in a way that resonated that led me to look at it closer and examine it until I found out how I authentically felt about it. I learned a new way to motivate myself in a work setting. I lightened up on myself. The insight you gave me into parenting was spot on and extremely useful and I’ve seen results on that. One of the biggest things I learned from you. I had a complete confusion about what I thought I should thought I should be doing as a parent as opposed to letting go of that control, allowing my kid to be who she is and supporting that. My relationship with my daughter has really improved, we are much closer. I am much more relaxed as a parent.