Last spring when things were starting to open up in California, one of my clients had a dilemma.
Two of his key employees did not feel so keen or so safe coming back to work.
And the owners in the business, his parents, were impatient to reopen.
He couldn’t figure out what to do or say to bridge the conflict.
Make them come anyway?
Not his way.
They were too valuable.
So how could he get the employees to come back and feel safe?
Through coaching, he developed a new idea.
He decided the employees to be involved with setting up the protocols and guidelines for the business.
It turned from being a difficult conversation to being an empowering conversation.
Not only did he manage to get his employees back to work and appease the stressed owner/parents/, he engaged his team in a way that built collaboration, trust and leadership.
Where we perceive an impeding conflict there are often new opportunities for connection.
Ready to be able to recognize new possibilities?
Join me next week for a free event Navigating Difficult Conversations. You can register at Eventbrite: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/navigating-difficult-conversations-tickets-111188780636
You know that relationship that you think can’t change?
The one that doesn’t feel the way that it should?
Where you have the same argument again and again?
It’s so frustrating, right?
You feel powerless to change it.
No matter how you say things, the other person gets upset.
Or maybe it’s the other way around?
You get upset at almost anything they do.
Too often we believe that these relationships are stuck, and we wait, hope for the other person to change.
We want them to see how they are wrong, how they are hurting us so that they can change their behavior.
We may even get frustrated and lose our shit.
(Or is that just me?)
And when this is someone in our business, our productivity and our revenue suffers.
We are so used to thinking this is “just how it is.”
I want to tell you that it CAN change.
My clients do it all the time.
The key thing I help my clients do is build their influence and their ability lead others towards stronger communication, better relationships and a more prosperous business.
I did it in my own life and now I help my clients to do it.
And, it all starts with listening.
Not getting the other person to listen, but with how WE listen to them.
You’re thinking, “Oh, that won’t change anything…”
I did it in my life, and my clients do it all the time.
You can’t start by changing someone else, you start by affecting something that is within your control: how you show up.
By changing how you show up in the relationship, you affect change in the others around you.
You CAN lead yourself and others into harmonious relationships and properous businesses.
If you give me the honor of hearing your story over coffee, I will give you some tips you can start using right away to deepen your listening.
Sometimes when someone hears about what I do, they get an idea of someone they know that I can help.
Often those ideas are about people who they are close to – a spouse, sibling, child or best friend – who could really benefit from empathy, support and seeing things from a new perspective.
And, that can be a great referral!
….the person talking to me has a pretty strong opinion about how their dear one should be doing things.
…they think that I could help their loved one to see things more clearly
…they think that maybe with my help their loved one would be able to change their behavior
I understand why talking to a dear relative or friend can be challenging.
When we give our opinions, they don’t really want to listen.
They get defensive.
It becomes an argument.
Yeah, not that fun.
And people know I won’t be trying to tell their dear one what to do, but I will help them discover for themselves what they want to do.
(Or they think that their loved one will listen better to an outside expert!
The thing is, you don’t need me to change that friend or relative’s perspective.
I can help you be an influential leader who can have conversation that can leave an impact and make a change.
You can have a conversation where your mother will hear that you fear for her safety and would like her to stop driving.
You can have the conversation with your sister about how she spends her money.
You can have the conversation with your employee about how they can improve.
You don’t have to be the one in charge or the one with authority.
You just have to learn how to listen with empathy, show support and ask questions to help them see things from a new perspective.
You can be an influential leader no matter your relationships or title.
Want to know how? Let’s chat!
I was having a conversation with a client today and as she connected with what she really wished she could say to someone important in her life , she realized she needed to have a difficult conversation.
Knowing that I teach and talk about Difficult Conversations she asked, “So how do I get him to listen?”
This question is the big question that most people have.
We are so keenly aware of when the other person doesn’t listen to us.
That’s exactly why it is a very powerful tool when you begin a difficult conversation by listening to the other person.
What is going on for them?
Where do they feel unheard?
What are they really trying to say?
You make the goal of your conversation to connect.
Sometimes it does mean that you delay bringing up what you need to say.
Sometimes that is only a few minutes, sometimes an hour, sometimes a few days.
You share your presence by showing up for the other person.
You earn their trust.
Having felt heard the other person will now be likely to listen to you.
Think about it.
Isn’t that what you need?
To feel heard?
Give the energy that you want to receive. Come from a place of generosity before need and you will find a much more willing listener in the other person.
Are you ready to reclaim your power?
Uncontrollable change is inevitable. Whether we can see it or not, change is always happening around us and within us.
What is ALWAYS within our control is how we respond to the circumstances beyond our control.
Think of a sailboat at sea. The sailor has no control over the winds, the tide, the weather or other boats. But, the sailor has full control over the sails and the rudder. The sailor steers the boat according to her instincts and her judgment.
Are you controlling the rudder and the sails in your own life, or are you letting the storms carry you in all directions?
Do other people’s emotions overpower you, or do you navigate them like they are weather?
Do you behave reactively to what happens in your life, or do you show up in a way that reflects who you want to be in the world?
Is your sense of self-worth subject to the approval of others, or do you steer according to your own values?
If the sailor doesn’t steer and navigate the winds well, the boat could capsize. The occupants could be lost at sea.
If you keep struggling against the change around you, you sacrifice your health, your well being and your sense of self-worth.
Will you reclaim your power, root yourself in your purpose and like the trunk of a tree grow tall and strong?
I coached a client who was new in her position.
She felt that everyone around her was nervous, not trusting her and not believing that she knew what she was doing.
She told me about the moments when her supervisors and colleagues asked questions or made comments that led her to question herself.
She gave away her power when she let other people’s comments and concerns influence how she felt about the job that she was doing.
She let what they thought, how they behaved, what they said determine her response and her actions.
In our conversation, she recognized how she gave away her power and shifted her focus onto reclaiming it.
She connected with her purpose and her confidence. She took charge of how she showed up at work: what emotions she brought with her and how she communicated with others.
And you know what happened?
When she changed how she showed up, everyone’s reactions to her changed as well!
When she showed up confident and clear in her communications, she won over the opinions of others and started to get the affirmations that she needed.
How about you?
Are you ready to reclaim your power and change how you show up for yourself and for others?